PowerLane Podcast
The PowerLane Podcast explores power and leadership through women's and other shapers stories, inspiring and empowering humans everywhere to move into and thrive within their unique PowerLane.
PowerLane Podcast
33. Parul Somani on Knowing What You’re Optimizing For
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Brace yourself for another empowering conversation with this week’s guest, Parul Somani. Parul’s work as a speaker, workshop facilitator, author, and life leadership coach is heavily influenced by her own life experience, including a hard-earned education, corporate-to-startup career track, surviving breast cancer as a new mom, and becoming an avid cancer research advocate. With degrees from MIT in Electrical Engineering, Computer Science, and Economics - and a Harvard MBA – she shares how and why she pivoted her career to align more intentionally with the life she wishes to lead. Parul joins us from her Bay area homebase to share her story, what inspires her, and some of the treasured wisdom she’s gained so far in her PowerLane journey.
Episode Quote:
“It’s interesting how so much of our life and the paths we pursue are influenced by the environment we happen to be in.” – Parul Somani
Find Parul at:
· LinkedIn @pdsomani
· Instagram@pdsomani
· Twitter @pdsomani
· Facebook @DesigningSilverLinings
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About the PowerLane Podcast
The PowerLane is a weekly podcast created to share wisdom and insight to inspire and empower women everywhere to move into and thrive within their unique PowerLane. Produced by Q3worx in sunny St. George, Utah, the PowerLane intentionally cultivates meaningful conversations with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures to explore the concept of personal power and how it grows and manifests as we move into and within our unique PowerLane.
We learn from the stories and experiences of others and gain new perspectives and insights that help us develop and strengthen our personal power, deepen our connections, and strengthen our world along the way.
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FIND | Shirlayne Quayle
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About | PowerLane Podcast
The PowerLane Podcast was created to inspire and empower people everywhere to move into and thrive within their unique PowerLane. Women's and other Shapers' stories and experiences are filled with wisdom and insight, and sharing them deepens our connections and strengthens our world. Join us to explore space...
Hello everyone, I'm Shirlayne Quayle, and this is the PoweLane, a weekly podcast created to inspire and empower women everywhere to move into and thrive within their unique power lane. Our guest today is a life leadership speaker, writer, and coach who empowers people and teams to thrive at the intersection of intention and action. She is the founder and CEO of Silver Linings and is a sought-after speaker and workshop facilitator. A cancer survivor and BROCA1 carrier, she is the author of A New Job, New Baby, New Cancer, which has been read in 85 countries. And she participated in President Biden's Cancer Moonshot, has been an invited speaker to the World Economic Forum and the American Cancer Society. She's held leadership roles in management consulting and in Silicon Valley Technology and Healthcare startups, and she holds a Bachelor of Science degree in electrical engineering and computer science and a minor in economics from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, or MIT, and she has an MBA from the Harvard Business School. She's been featured in Forbes, Thrive Global, Everyday Health, The South Asian Times, and various podcasts on professional and personal growth. She loves dancing and travel and resides in the Bay Area with her husband and two adorable daughters. Please welcome Parul Sumani. Hello, Parul. Thank you so much for being here. Oh, happy to be here. Thank you for inviting me. Yeah, we're gonna have a great conversation. You know, when I um when I when I received your team's information when they were like, hey, we want to introduce you to Parul and we want to, you know, see about having her be a guest on the power lane, I was so excited. Like it was so fun to have your wonderful, you know, assistant reach out and then to be able to do some research. And then when we met and we had our exploratory meeting, I was like, this woman is amazing. I cannot wait to how help help our listeners and just learn from your story. So thanks.
Parul SomaniThank you. No, I love meeting you, and I'm looking forward to today's conversation too.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, it's gonna be great. Well, let's jump in, shall we? So um I love to start with kind of where you grew up, what was your childhood like? Um, I think those are such important opportunities for us in shaping how we grow and evolve as humans. And so I love to give a little bit of background on your childhood, if you wouldn't mind.
Parul SomaniSure. Yeah, I had a very classic, you know, immigrant upbringing. I was born in India. Um, so you know, looking back, it's uh bizarre because it's it's very it's this very tiny village in India. And when I've gone back and taken my girls back to to see, you know, the place I was born and and and how life has changed, it's it's been quite transformative. But you know, I um moved to the Pacific Northwest to Portland, Oregon, when I was three. Um my you know parents brought my sister and I here just for better education, better opportunities. And, you know, we grew up with a you know simple but but loving and and hardworking um childhood. I, you know, uh remember my parents wanting to instill a sense of culture in us. And so that was a very important part of my upbringing, learning and performing Indian dance through childhood and and even as um I was an adult. Um, but they always instilled in us as well a sense of independence and exploring what it is that you know we want to do and pursue, even if it was very different from anything that that they've they did.
Shirlayne QuayleUm, but yeah, it's definitely shaped who I am today. That's fabulous. So you have an older sister, younger sister? Yeah, I have an older sister, about uh yeah, four years older. Excellent. So, how I mean that for your parents to make that decision and leave family and what they knew um to you know to give a better opportunity for you and your sister. I'm always so amazed by that. Now that I'm a parent, I completely get it. Like, you know, you'll move the end to the ends of the earth for your kids. Um, but moving to a completely different country, you know, and then still instilling that culture in you and your sister, I I just appreciate that so much. How is that kind of played into who you are now? You know, how do you look back on those things and say, oh, you know, I would be different if it wasn't for this.
Parul SomaniUh well, it's interesting you asked that. So I had had a milestone birthday celebration um just last year. And, you know, at that I had given a little speech, and uh a big part of it was actually to my parents. And it was sharing this exact observation with them about thinking of where our lives started, you know, what their lives were like growing up, and how the choices that they've made and each how each of those decisions have had such an impact on where we are today and how I could even be able to celebrate in the way that I did, and um how you know thankful I am for that, because it wasn't just those decisions that they made and you know, kind of by happenstance, you know, I am who I am today. It was also with a lot of intention that they uh taught us work ethic, that they taught us culture, that they taught us the values that I now and you know strive to instill in my own daughters and in my own approach to parenting. And so um, you know, I'm thankful for even having had the opportunity to actually share that with them and to thank them for that.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, that oh, that's so special. I'm glad you had the opportunity to. Milestone birthdays are always interesting, aren't they? They're such a it's it's like this um New Year's resolution on steroids. You get to reflect and then be like, oh my god. So when you were growing up, you know, moving to moving to the US at three years old, um, do you have any memories of kind of your first sense of your own personal power and how that how that felt for you and at what age that may have been?
Parul SomaniYeah, you know, I think um one of the memories that is sharpest in my mind is actually in fifth grade in elementary school. Um, you know, we had moved in fourth grade. So I had only just started at this elementary school um, you know, an ear a year earlier. And in fifth grade, we were having elections for student body president, you know, to serve as a sixth grader. And I remember being on stage to in front of the entire elementary school with my note cards in hand and you know, ready to give my speech, and just feeling so alive on that stage and looking out at that audience of elementary schoolers and feeling like I don't even need my postcards. And I am just connecting with this audience. I'm excited to share what I have to share about how I think the school could be better. Um, I actually have this vision of, you know, my father had come to attend to watch the speech, and he's like standing at the back of the gymnasium and watching. And I just remember feeling so alive in that moment and just feeling that I have this, you know, both like desire as well as like ability to lead people and to, you know, encourage them or kind of and take them along with me in this bigger vision. And you know, that was one of the earliest moments that I remember experiencing that and have thankfully been able to experience that many times uh since then. But I think part of it is is actually grounded in that foundation I had in childhood as a dancer and just loving that feeling of moving people, right? Making people feel something, whether that's coming from you know, watching the moves of a performance or hearing the words of a speech.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, that that connection that you, the energy that you share in those moments. I like that you tie it back to the experiences you had dancing too, because that is such a powerful method of communication and especially cultural dance, you know, it's so beautiful. I've had the opportunity to go to India a couple of times and it's one of my favorite places in the world because the people are so beautiful. So beautiful. Everyone we met was amazing. And um I just I think that being able to understand the differences in communication and the many, many opportunities we have to communicate in different ways is so powerful. And I love that you you got that at such an early age. I I already can see the threads of how that's going to play into our conversation as we as we move ahead.
Parul SomaniAbsolutely, because I think you know, part of it is the external experience of dancing and the impact to the audience and what they're experiencing through the performance. But so much of it, especially in childhood, is so formative internally for the child, right? And when I think back to learning um stage presence, learning and building my own confidence. So much of that came from dance and the experiences of just going up on stage in front of large audiences and whether it was a solo and building that confidence or a group dance and learning teamwork and synchronization. And you can't just go off and do it at your own speed, right? It all there's a cohesiveness that there needs to be that exists in dance that's an analogy for teamwork and everything that's going to come in life in adulthood as well.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, absolutely. And I'm just picturing, you know, as you're describing it, I can see the stage and I can see you dancing on it as a child and just that, just being in that moment and being so intentional in being in that moment. And I I think that is uh, yeah, I I mean, I don't know you yet very well at all. But what I do know about you, especially with your focus on intention, I can see how that's going to come into things a lot. Oh, well, that's so cool. Okay, so fifth grade, did you were you elected to student body president? I was. It was very exciting. Maybe that's why I haven't like suppressed the memory. That's another great point.
Parul SomaniUm, but yes, I uh, you know, I I was in fact elected. And then I think that that interest in leadership and service to others and comfort giving speeches and all of that just continued to be a thread throughout my upbringing and and adulthood as well.
Shirlayne QuayleThat's lovely. So did you continue through high school? Um, were you you had moved, were you still in the Pacific Northwest at that time?
Parul SomaniSo in Portland in or in fourth grade, we had simply moved school districts. And so I was transferred into a different school. And then actually going into ninth grade, uh, we moved from Oregon to Washington. And that, as you can imagine, was a bit more jarring of a move, right? Because ninth grade is a tough time to leave friends, and then uh what was even more unexpected is at least going into ninth grade, I thought I was going to be going into high school, and so everyone would be joining ninth grade and and this school together. And we just happened to move into a district where ninth grade was junior high. And so I was in an environment where everyone already knew each other. It's like the top year of middle school. And uh it was hard. It was hard for the first, you know, I would say it was hard for the first month. I think I might have cried every day for that first month. And at some point, it just clicked that like this is this is my new normal, my new life, and I need to make the most of it. And I think once I started, you know, just getting involved in activities and all of that. You know, and then going into my high school experience, I couldn't have imagined it having been anywhere else. That's awesome. It felt like home. It felt like home. Um, but I think those types of experiences of adversity in their, you know, own form in childhood help us become who we are, right? They're they help us realize like we can do hard.
Shirlayne QuayleAbsolutely. And they help us realize yeah, they help us realize what we have in us to get through that, you know. To your point, we can do hard. It's like, yeah, this doesn't have to get the best of me. Like I've got this. And I also love to that, you know, you start to realize at a certain point, it's like, I can't change this. So I've got to flow with it and fighting against it is getting me nowhere. And, you know, and and that's a big realization uh, you know, in ninth grade to just make that, even if it's not a conscious decision in that particular way, you're like, okay, this is good. It's clicking. I'm feeling good now. I can make this happen.
Parul SomaniAbsolutely. And I mean, that's shaped so much of my approach to life is like you said, in probably subconsciously, right? Because I don't think I necessarily like articulated this as a ninth grader. Um, but that notion that we can't control what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond to it is very much a you know a philosophy with which I I navigate my life.
Shirlayne QuayleAbsolutely. And boy, those choices that we make and how we respond can make all the difference, can't they? In so many ways. So, um, how did you decide to go? Because it is a choice. How did you decide that MIT was where you wanted to go to college? How did that play out?
Parul SomaniYeah, um, so you know, I think like every high schooler, uh, I was convinced I knew everything about the world and what my life was going to be like, and I had it all, you know, like clarified in my mind. Um, the extent to which I thought I had my career path clarified was probably abnormal for a high schooler to be to be fair. Um, I was convinced that I wanted to major in electrical engineering or computer science, something in that field, so that I could then go on to become a corporate lawyer for a high-tech company. That's very specific. Very specific and clearly every high schooler's dream. Like it's it's so bizarre to me looking back that that that was like this life plan that I had somehow articulated for myself. No, there was never influence from anyone else to like determine this. But you know, obviously I have gone a very different direction uh since then. But uh that initial thought of like, okay, engineering, computers, like that's what I need to study in college. Where are there good programs for that? Um, that was in fact a starting point of what colleges to apply to. And uh, you know, when I when I got accepted into MIT, uh, you know, it's across the country, private, it's very expensive school. And I had also gotten accepted into my my state school, University of Washington, with a full ride. And I remember to this day the moment that my dad told me to decide where I want to go to college without, and again, we're like immigrant, you know, middle class umbringing, we're not like um whatever old money or family money or anything like that, but education was like the strongest of value and priority in our upbringing. And if there was anything my parents were going to spend money on, it was it was going to be education. And and my parents did in fact uh pay for for my college. And they said, make the decision of where you want to go based on you know what they have to offer and what you want to experience. And he specifically he said, don't make the decision based on cost and money. And I'm so thankful for having had that you know offering from them and and for that opportunity. Um, because in that moment that that then made the decision that MIT would be, you know, the experience and the the engineering program that that I should pursue. And that's where I went.
Shirlayne QuayleThat's awesome. I love that they immediately too, what a life lesson for them to share with you. You know, it's not about the money. Like the money, you'll figure that piece out, but you have to make the decisions based on what's best for you. And and I I love that. I love that um so many times, especially in Western culture, I feel like we we make decisions based on money. Oh, I can't afford that, or there's not enough, or a scarcity mentality. And it's it's really it holds us back in so many ways. It's understandable, completely understandable. Um, but when you can let that piece of it go. And so for your father to say to you, I'm taking this piece off the table, you don't have to worry about it anymore. Um, you know, what a gift for you to just have the freedom to make the best choices for you and that he allowed you to make that decision too, you know, that your parents did.
Parul SomaniAbsolutely. No, I mean, I fully recognize it was a luxury that I even had that choice. Uh, but you know, freedom is the right word. It was very liberating to recognize that I didn't necessarily need to be constrained by that.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, I love it. So circling back just a little bit, how what got you interested in um engineering and computer science? Were you interested in it anyway, or did you just feel like if I'm gonna be a corporate lawyer for one of these tech companies, I need to understand this piece of it?
Parul SomaniYeah, so I'm I'm laughing because I had so much clarity on how I thought this all through, but in hindsight, it it's so ridiculous. Um, but I so I didn't actually start with the engineering side, I started with the the law side. Okay. And so um, like I mentioned, loved public speaking from a young age and then went on in high school to be a competitive um, you know, speech and debater. And so did like state, you know, national camps, things like that around speech and debate. And my you know perception of a lawyer was that it would then leverage those skills. It would use these like speech and debate skills that I've been, you know, honing through high school, and for years was convinced that I I wanted to be a lawyer. Didn't fully understand like the intricacies of the different types of law. You know, I thought criminal law would be interesting, but I didn't want like criminals potentially coming after my family in the future or something, and then civil law I thought would be boring. And somehow I thought corporate law would be interesting, even though I don't think I could have actually defined it at that time.
Shirlayne QuayleRight.
Parul SomaniSo it was working backwards from this thought that like, okay, I actually want to be a lawyer, but then what what do you study to go into law? And you you can study a number of things and still go into law school. And and I think because I had um, well, first of all, my my father worked at Intel is you know, his for the majority of his career. And so I had I came from an engineering background and family. Um and so I'm sure that played some influence. Um, but yes, this notion that if I do law, it'll be for a tech company somehow made me think that, like, okay, well, if I have that engineering background as a major, then that will be, you know, somehow make me a better lawyer in that field. And so way too much like precision in thinking for a high schooler who has like no idea what they actually may love to do and uh you know want to explore and have any sense of what like curveballs life might throw at them. Um, but that was a little peek into my you know mindset as a junior in high school. And uh I've definitely made different choices along the way, but uh that's where this initial interest in engineering, initial approach to MIT came. I did in fact end up majoring in electrical engineering and computer science from MIT, and it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. And uh, you know, in in hindsight, it probably wasn't the right fit for me. Um, but it's something that I'm so proud of for having.
Shirlayne QuayleAbsolutely. Well, and it brings a different perspective, you know. I mean, I that's one of the coolest parts about education, regardless of what you're studying, is the new perspectives that you gain. And when you are studying something like electrical engineering or computer science through those lenses, and they're so different than the lenses that we've studied in the past, that just helps us expand our perspective and our understanding and kind of connect the dots in new ways that we wouldn't, you know. I'm sure that that played such a major role in how you think about things today, you know, because you had this different experience. one at MIT, which is a completely unique culture on its own as a university. Um and then studying those fields. Um I can only imagine how hard it was. Like I mean that is no no easy task. And and you you made it through with flying colors.
Parul SomaniYeah. You know, when I think about like some of my earlier tests of resilience in my life, uh I I would say that that was one of them. But again, I I came out on the other side doing okay. And so you know one more just example of we can do hard.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, absolutely. So where did your path diverge during that time um into getting an MBA from Harvard rather than going to law school? Because somewhere in there law didn't end up happening. How did that play out?
Parul SomaniWell it's so interesting how so much of our life and the paths we pursue are just influenced by the environment we happen to be in. You know, I actually do reflect on had I gone to a different college or had I stayed in Washington, would the career paths I'd been exposed to have been different and what would I be doing now also be so different. But by going to uh you know MIT and college in the East Coast, I suddenly got exposed to these career paths that I didn't know existed, right? I got exposed to Wall Street and finance and people apply for like investment banking internships and things like that. And then I got exposed to this entire world of management consulting and you know those other business roles. And those were the aspirational internships to get in college. And so it was just everyone started to look at those as and I did as well. And I actually did all of my college summer internships on Wall Street like in finance in trading firms also a whole life that I look back at now and I'm like how did I work on a trading floor in Wall Street? Like that's different from what I am today or who I am. But it was management consulting that I was really drawn to because you know I I realized I'm a people person, right? I like working with people, I like solving problems, I like working in teams and the understanding I gained during that time as well of what corporate law actually is, you know, it really made me think about like is that the type of work I want to be doing is that the type of lifestyle I want to be living and uh you know when I when it came time to well my senior year actually where I would have otherwise been studying for the LSAT I realized that this path in business might actually be the one that I want to pursue instead and uh took the GMAT. It was essentially a you know a time of I take the LSAT or did I take the GMAT? Ended up taking the GMAT instead and uh for my full-time offer coming out of college I got an offer at at Bain and Company in management consulting and that that really set the path for what was my career for many years to follow because I uh ended up loving the work, loving the people that I met, they're lifelong friends of mine even to this day, even if most of us aren't with the company anymore. And the experiences that I learned and skills that I developed during my tenure in consulting definitely is are are skills that I use to this day in the roles that I've had since and in the work that I do now.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, absolutely. I I love that I love that you bring up how you know just our experiences changed the path so easily and those jobs that you didn't even know were out there, you know, and I that you came in so focused just still makes me just laugh like this is totally my path and oh everyone should laugh at me about that it's absurd. You know, it's really interesting like I went to college thinking I have to go to college for my career. I didn't know exactly at first I thought oh I'm gonna be a doctor you know and I wanted to be in an OBGYN but going back to lifestyle I also didn't want to be on call 247 and try to raise a family and all those things. So I was thinking about all that um and then I got into college and I was sort of like oh well I don't know for sure if that's what I want to do because I started studying all these new things, right? And it does it just opens your world. And I think that having that willingness to be open to those opportunities instead of staying stuck. You could have just said nope, my goal was to be a lawyer that's what I'm going to do. And instead you were open enough with yourself to say that you know that doesn't feel right for me. And that that takes a lot of courage to do that because you had set yourself on this really important path that your parents were paying a lot of money for and you obviously were very grateful and committed to that. Not that your degree I mean sure I already know it totally came in your degrees completely came into play as benefits at being a company. There's no way that didn't happen with management consulting. But I love that you were willing to say you know even though I'm now a senior in college I don't have to stay on this path.
Parul SomaniI have choices absolutely the conversations with my parents over the years have been really interesting because they come from a time where and you know when people joined a company and then stayed there for 20, 30 years, right? There was just that consistency of like okay this is what I do and this is what I'm just going to continue doing for you know the rest of um the decades to come. Whereas I was of a generation and especially now in the Bay Area, this is how it works for many of us is you do something for a few years and you go and switch to a different company or a different role for another few years. And that was very foreign to them. So for me to tell them that like okay I'm majoring in this but I'm not actually doing engineering as a career and by the way I'm taking this job in a field that they've one never heard of before or aren't familiar with and then two even though I was in that field for years afterwards I don't know if they ever were able to explain to other people what it is that I actually did. But they never like made me feel you know bad about that or question my choices. You know it was always an open discussion of you know just making sure I'm understanding like why it is I'm doing what I'm doing. Right. And I think that's what we all have to can keep a pulse on is what we want still what we want and you know as we change is are the decisions that we want to make and the opportunities we want to pursue going to change as well. Absolutely for me it's like I I knew I wanted to go to a graduate school right like both my parents again this value in education was always there and both my parents had master's or have master's degrees and so pursuing some graduate program was just table stakes. Like I just sort of assumed it would happen and it was more of a question of like which one to do and going into kind of the business roles uh in and after college, you know, that then did influence even what full-time job I took because I I could have gone back to Wall Street and done trading, uh worked on the trading floor full time or I could uh go into consulting and knowing that a management consulting role was understood to be a stepping stone into a graduate program. Like it's understood understandable that you might leave and go to go do an MBA or something else and then that's encouraged and okay that was important to me right whereas in trading if you leave for two years to do a graduate program you're you're taking yourself out of the career path right you're you're not developing these transferable skills that are then going to help you back on the trading floor again. And so always having this sense of you know what is it that I'm solving for right like the the question I would always ask myself is what am I optimizing for? And the answer to that question has changed every time I've asked myself that question you know and for many years it was around um you know my career is is what I'm optimizing for at this time a stepping stone into graduate school is what I'm optimizing for just a learning opportunity is what I I was you know and as I got older and got married and had children it became more about like the life that I want to live the lifestyle the impact I want to make on the world and just having that awareness has has now been kind of the driving force behind these choices.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah that that's so beautiful how how does it feel for you when you're on the cusp of making one of those choices for me this is kind of the journey in and out of the power lane you know sometimes we make these choices and they they center us directly really strong in our power lane and other times it's like oh I'm gonna have one foot out while I figure this out how does it feel for you when you're making those choices and how do you know when it's the right one for you so a couple of things you know one I think it requires a lot of self-awareness to be able to identify what might be the right choice for you.
Parul SomaniRight? Like you have to first know yourself and know what energizes you or you know what you're again optimizing for like in that stage of life and at that time. So making the time and space to do that reflection introspection and kind of forward looking thought exercise of of what it is that you're seeking is is an important part of of making any of these decisions.
Shirlayne QuayleBut the the the second part you know when I think about you know power laid and and moving in and out of it it feels like am I either pursuing or living my ikigai are you familiar with ikigai I am please though I'm not I mean I know what it is on the surface but I don't know a deep understanding so please enlighten absolutely so um ikigai is a Japanese word and it means your reason for being so in the Japanese language there's actually no word for the term like retirement right that they instead have ikigai because you always have some reason for being that you're either pursuing or or living and and serving and I only became aware of the concept of ikigai later in my career.
Parul SomaniSo it's not like from an early age I was making decisions based on this. But once I learned about it I I could never look back and specifically it's a um the visual of it is actually a Venn diagram like of four circles and so this is when the ex-consultant in me who likes you know frameworks and charts and things was like ooh you know let me let me understand this diagram. Yeah but your icky guy is the intersection of four things it's what you're good at what you love to do what can what you can be paid for and what the world needs and these four quadrants are not necessarily something that we can have intersect at all times throughout our life right when we're younger I think it's more about and earlier in our career it's more about um building these four circles independent from each other right so it's you know there might be a job that you have that you're developing skills at there might be a hobby that you do outside of work that is helping you figure out what you love to do. There might be community or volunteer service that's you know your way of contributing to your community and and the world. But the the hope is that over time you're able to actually find the intersection of all four of those things. And I feel very thankful that I have now um I wouldn't say found my icky guy I would say I created my icky guy because it took a lot of work to think through you know what are those four elements for me and how have they evolved over the over the my life in terms of personal experiences as well as my professional career. And how is what I want to do today in terms of the legacy I want to leave at the world in the world going to be something that is also combining what I love to do and is also combining the skills that I've developed over a a corporate career. And um so to your question around power lane for me being in my power lane feels like I'm serving my ich I love that that is really calm the words are just absolutely escaping me today.
Shirlayne QuayleIt's so compelling and it's so simple and yet transformational you know I oh boy thank you so much for that and thanks for explaining Icky guy. I mean I understood the purpose side of it but I had not remembered the four quadrants and the the ways that they intersect and so I really appreciate that that explanation because it is it it's it is so simple and so complex.
Parul SomaniAnd I like exactly which all great things right um there's um a profound nature to it if you allow yourself the time to explore it in that way. Yeah right because to answer these questions of these four quadrants like what does the world need like you know and anyone can come up with like high level like responses but to actually think about what is it that you yourself truly care about and would want to put your skill set towards your time towards and feel that you're also loving it right that it's not feeling like just like a job but actually something you want to wake up and do. That takes a lot of time and work to figure out and the assumption or expectation should not be that we're living our icky guy and serving our icky guy in our 20s right it's it's more around keeping it in mind so that as we're making decisions where it can serve as like almost a guiding framework for well whether it's a career choice or um you know an extracurricular sort of hobby, you know, thinking about which of these four quadrants is it serving and that's okay as long as it's you know you're assigning some purpose to it and you're remembering that that's the role that this thing is playing in my life. Right. Like I might not be getting my happiness and fulfillment from it, but that's okay because right for for today it's paying the bills. Yeah. Right. Yeah and I know that looking forward that's going to then help me move closer to an Icky guy.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah. So oh my goodness my brain is just going a million miles an hour. Um going back to intention um understanding and becoming familiar with the concept of ikky guy and how did that play in to I guess and just walk us through you know management management consulting to where we are today. I mean do you have your own company you are a speaker and a um coach you work with organizations you are a cancer survivor like there's a lot that happened between management consulting and this conversation um and I I I'm really curious as to how that played out and how intention and your icky guy you know kind of came along and helped shape that a little bit for you or gave you a framework for it.
Parul SomaniYeah absolutely so you know I spent uh three years at Bain before business school and uh that was an amazing experience I worked in the Boston office and then I also had moved to India um for a transfer and helped start India's um or Bain's first office there and then I you know came back for business school and again those questions of what I'm optimizing for had had now changed to be more personal life oriented and um at that time the answers were to go back to Bain. But now it was in their New York office. You know I I got married um when I was very young. I was only 23 when I got married and uh actually my husband and I got married in India you know then we came back to to Boston and like just a couple of months later I was like okay bye I'm moving to India for the opportunity. But but that was an amazing part of our 20s is you know being able to take these risks and explore different opportunities. And you know uh you you you fast forward we moved to California I was continuing to work at Bain now in in the San Francisco office. And I just reached a point where I was a senior manager on track for partner and realized that what I was now optimizing for was different. I was willing to work hard I just wanted it to be about something I was you know felt like I was um building right or more operational in nature and being in the Bay Area uh exposed to the startup world I I I wanted to to join one of those. And so two weeks after I left Bain I learned I was pregnant with my second daughter and so here I am going into like startup recruiting also pregnant and I'm like this is going to be a crazy time but I I don't necessarily want to like wait until after the baby comes and all of that to then um do my next job. So I ended up joining a startup like right at the end of my my first trimester and it was a a great group of women um in a you know we're running a consumer technology company in the wedding space actually and uh six months into that job uh two things happened um you know one like all in the same days like literally within the same week um my water broke a couple of weeks early so my second daughter arrived um via C-suction a little bit earlier than expected um but then also on her one week birthday is when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and I remember like every day around that time of like feeling the lump but then not making it to the doctor's appointment for getting the lump you know biopsied because my water broke and so then going in for the C-suction and then my newborn ended up having uh health problems uh she had to be intubated um after delivery and we had to be ambulance transported to another um hospital for an acute you know a NICU and there's like just every reason to deprioritize the lump and you know dismiss it because the doctors themselves had um said that it's probably a clogged milk duck since I was only 31 and pregnant. But you know like I said on on her one week birthday thankfully she ended up being discharged with a clean bill of health but then right after that roller coaster we we you know rode this this other one with my cancer diagnosis. And uh in the year that followed I had 10 rounds of chemotherapy and and four surgeries and a lot of revelations around life and how I want to spend my time and the impact I want to leave. But at that time I didn't necessarily change anything significantly right at that time like six months after um treatment so before all my surgeries were done you know I actually wanted to get back to work. I felt like I was having the cloudiness from chemo brain and I wanted to kind of get back to to sharpening all of that. And so I went back to that same startup and I ended up being there for a couple of more years actually until I felt like they were uh until we reached a transition point like in it it ended up being acquired and I felt like okay now they're in a a good place but I don't necessarily want to work for the acquiring company but I don't actually know what it is I want to do next. I just know I want it to be more mission driven. And that's when I came across a genomics company whose mission at the time was to democratize access to genetic testing for hereditary cancers. Love it. And that was a mission that spoke to me because the reason that my husband and I felt empowered to advocate for ourselves and push for a biopsy of my lump even when it was being dismissed is because I had had genetic testing done Couple of years earlier. And this was, you know, before Angelina Jolie had gone public about BRCA mutations and preventive surgeries. And so, you know, I was thankful to have even like gotten testing done and even known that I have this high risk. Yeah. But that was life-saving information for me, like literally life-saving information for me. And so when I came across a company that was actually focused around making these types of genetic testing resources more accessible and affordable to people, that was this mission that I knew I wanted to serve. And I, you know, they didn't have like a job posting I was applying for. I very much just reached out to them. I'm like, this is my personal story, this is my professional background. I would, you know, love what you're doing. And I ended up joining them, uh, leading their uh marketing team for their, you know, B2B channels, like working with employers and their clinical channels to make genetic testing more available. And I worked there for a couple of years through which I was also sharing my cancer journey and my personal experiences with genetic testing at healthcare conferences, you know, through different speaking events. And on and in parallel on the personal side, had also begun patient advocacy work. I was treated at the Stanford Women's Cancer Center and started doing a lot of advocacy work for them as well. And it was while I was working at this genomics company that I actually learned about ikigu. And that's when I learned first saw this framework. And looking at it, I had this feeling that I think I'm already serving my icky guy. I because I loved the work that I was doing at the startup. I um was using skills that I had developed. It was a job I was being paid for, and it was something I felt like the world needed. And I had attributed a lot of meaning to this job, you know, defining it as my icky guy, um, defining it as a purpose coming out of my cancer diagnosis that, okay, well, at least now I'm like using that experience to help others. Right. And so because of all of the weight that I had put into that role, when I very unexpectedly got laid off, that was another very sort of jarring life experience.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah.
Parul SomaniRight. Like from a business standpoint, I totally get it. Like the left brain side of me is like, yes, you know, businesses pivot, strategies change, roles, you know, need to be um shaken up, and and recognizing it was nothing personal from a business standpoint. But the emotional side of me felt like very lost, right? Because I felt like I had lost my icky guy and lost the purpose that I was serving.
Shirlayne QuayleRight.
Parul SomaniAnd so there was a lot of introspection that came after that. Like I actually um intentionally and again had the luxury, thankfully, to take the time and space to not just join another company right away just to just just to pay the bills. I was able to be intentional about I'm actually just going to be present with my daughters for some time uh and until I figure out what the right next step is for me. And that itself was a journey. Um, every three months, what I thought I wanted to do uh was actually very different. And uh a dear friend of mine gave me the advice uh where he said, wait for the bells to ring. And I didn't like fully know what that meant at the time. I'm you know, I understood it. Okay, it was like there'll be some sort of aha moment or something like that. But I'm like, how does that actually happen? And uh it was when I was through my patient advocacy work asked to speak as the keynote speaker for the grand opening of the New Stanford Hospital, where I was asked to share my experiences as a patient and a caregiver, uh, standing on that stage, you know, sharing not like the hardships, but the positive, you know, experiences that had emerged from my own diagnosis, my mom's diagnosis, you know, that the whole experience was this aha moment. And I remember texting him right away, and I'm like, the bells are ringing. Because through that journey is where I realized that, you know, I've always loved public speaking. It makes me feel alive to be in front of people and feel like their uh lives have been changed by what it is that I've had to share with them. And and I realized that a lot of what I had loved about my previous work was actually not necessarily just the marketing work itself, but the sharing of my journey and the presenting at healthcare conferences and that, you know, with intention, I can look at all of those components and create this new career path for myself. And it was actually in the fall of 2019, on the exact day of my five-year remission anniversary, that I launched Silver Linings and launched this work that I do now where I'm really advocating and empowering people to live at this intersection of intention and action. So it's not just about, you know, knowing what you want, but that alone itself can be a journey, right? Is having that clarified sense of intention. But it's one developing that, and then two, learning how to move from that intention into purposeful action to create this life that you want for yourself.
Shirlayne QuayleI love it. That is that is a gorgeous way to describe the power lane. I mean, when you're in the power lane, that intentional action is really what's happening. And, you know, I've asked some of my guests, do you feel like you're in your power lane, like you are driven from that internally, or do you feel like it's something that you step into to serve externally and then you grow your own sort of personal confidence from that? And the the answers are all over the place, you know. Some folks are really clear on, oh no, I always felt this. And some folks are like, no, I didn't feel that personal confidence, you know, I didn't know I loved public speaking, for instance, and felt that fire in me. Um, I had to really push myself to move out and do that because I wanted to serve. I wanted to serve this other piece of my icky guy, for instance. And then, you know, the other pieces came along. Um I I I love the intersection of intention and action and the way that you describe it because that self-awareness, it this comes back to leadership too. I believe that, you know, leadership is all about relationships and connection. And that connection you have with the audience when you're speaking in public speaking and when you're coaching and doing all those things. That leadership connection, though, we can't have authentic relationships if we don't understand who we are and if we're not really willing to do that self-reflection and introspection and be honest with ourselves about what we see and what we want to, you know, um, I don't want to say change necessarily, but what we want to build on and what we want to cultivate and nurture. And so the the way, like how did it come? How did you define and decide on intention and action? Like how when did that come to you from a silver linings perspective? Because I have a feeling that was a little uh mini aha moment as well, as you're working through how do I move into this next piece of my life?
Parul SomaniOh, absolutely. Um, I was hoping it would come off as like, oh, clearly I've known this all along. It was definitely a journey. Um, you know, the reason it and I think part of it might be um just iterating on the wording, right? And and iterating on like the framing of it. But I think the the nugget of it, which has always been there, is around this uh notion of kind of taking control of your life, right? And that came from that earlier aha moment when I was giving that speech at Stanford and when I launched the work and why I called it silver linings is because this notion around silver linings themselves has tended to always be a little bit passive in nature, right? People talk about it as, you know, go find the silver linings or look for the silver linings. And I feel very strongly that we create our own silver linings. The speech that I gave at Stanford, the the stories that I've talked about since, in regards to the positive outcomes that have emerged from my own cancer diagnosis, are not these passive, passively good things that just happened to come up come about. They required intention, they required openness to opportunity, they they required acting upon doors that have opened because of the hardship. And that was always the foundation of launching silver linings is wanting to kind of teach others that same mindset. And I framed it around creating silver linings. I like you know, it early on it was designing silver linings was on my website, and then designing became confusing for people, and so I called it creating silver linings, and that you still see that that you know slogan on my website today. Um there's always been this healthcare side of the work in terms of speaking about creating silver linings through the lens of navigating a diagnosis and you know patient advocacy and empowerment. But it was important to me for this to be shared in a way that was not just a cancer story and was not just applicable to people navigating a diagnosis, because I strongly believe that this type of mindset and philosophy to life is actually applicable in all areas of our life. And when I reflected on the roller coaster I went through after my diagnosis, while very different, in many ways also very similar to the diagonal to the roller coaster I later went on after my layoff.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah.
Parul SomaniAnd the mindset and processes and like approach that I used to navigate one was the same as the other. And it's over these last few years of um work presenting, you know, partnering with employers, speaking about resilience building and how to build mental strength and coaching leadership teams and whatnot. It's actually through that work that I've re like revised the wording and really honed in on what it is that I've done in the past. It's almost a deconstruction of what is it that I was doing when I was navigating these things that helped me. And therefore, how can I kind of derive the insights and like turn that into a playbook for others?
Speaker 2Right.
Parul SomaniAnd how can I also not make it too complicated and all of that? And, you know, even just thinking about that question I shared earlier of what am I optimizing for? Right. There was this starting point of intention, like a and clarified intention. It was always around, well, what is it that I'm hoping for or trying to achieve or aiming for? And do I know that for myself and about myself? Yeah. But that that was never enough because there's always there's often people out there that have you know dreams of what they want and an idea of what they want. But if it's not followed up with action, it still doesn't help you achieve what you're aiming for. Right. And so for me, just taking the time and continuing to to revise my own thinking about it helped me realize that it's actually the combination of two of those two things that's so powerful. And and now that's how I think about the work that I do. It's really, you know, how do you make that move from intention to action? And how do you live or lead, you know, whether it's in in family, at a business meeting, like in our own personal lives, how do you do that at that intersection, at that intersection of intention and action?
Shirlayne QuayleAbsolutely. How do you step in and thrive within your power lane? Love it. Oh my goodness. All right, so um so tell us about this book you are writing. Yes.
Parul SomaniUh well, it is actually on this exact topic of moving from intention to action. And it's a deconstruction of the work that I've done in terms of you know recognizing what are the mindsets and tools and frameworks that have helped not just me navigate my own personal journey and professional ups and downs, but also have now been teaching to others and coaching others through my work as a life leadership speaker and coach and recognizing uh, you know, from the case studies that have emerged from that, what has resonated with people, you know, what has not just worked for me, but has helped others in their family and running their business and all of these other experiences as well. And so uh now I'm compiling all of that into a book that is going to couple these, you know, case studies and personal narrative with also the science and the academic research that supports these different tools. And I hope it empowers others to move from intention to action as well.
Shirlayne QuayleI think it will. Just from this conversation and um understanding a little bit more about you, I will be ordering an early copy of that book and sharing it with all my friends. I can already tell. That's so exciting. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with us.
Parul SomaniAbsolutely. Um, it will be some time uh before it's out, but you know, folks can also sign up for my mailing list or follow me on social if they want to um keep updated on this work or learn about when the book comes out.
Shirlayne QuayleThat's perfect. We will do that. And we'll share all of your social links and everything in our show notes so everyone listening can step down into the show notes and click on those links and get directly to Perul. I have a couple questions for you as we close. Um the first one is what's the worst advice you've ever received? Okay.
Parul SomaniThe worst advice I ever received was when I was in college. I was working a summer internship on Wall Street at a not to be defined company. And uh I was assigned, it was my first day, and I was assigned a female mentor, um, you know, to partner with me and help me through this internship. And she said, if you need to cry, go to the bathroom and cry. Don't let anyone see you cry. Oh. And I be I just remember being very confused. I'm like, why would I need to cry? Why are you even telling me this, first of all? And it it was just this like so surprising, you know, words of advice to hear from someone who's meant to be in a mentorship position. Yeah, um, it was uh not empowering in in any sort of way. And I have thought about it a lot over the years because I think in in this time you you wouldn't be allowed to say something like that. Right. So unacceptable to give that type of advice. And so um, you know, it it's almost in a way reflective of what's hopefully like a past era. Yeah. But yes, it it was pretty terrible advice because it was not uh, you know, supportive in any way and not the the type of um sort of fellow empowerment that I would want uh you know women supporting other women with.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, it definitely makes you question right off the bat, what kind of culture is this and you know, all those things? Wow. Well, that's that's a good thing to note, um, especially for all of us who mentor a lot, is you know, our our advice does matter and it it has an impact. Sometimes not a waste for the good.
Parul SomaniWell, Julian was 20 years ago, and I still remember it to this day and in a very you know negative way.
Shirlayne QuayleYeah, in a what not to do way. Interesting. Thank you for sharing that. So how would you finish this sentence? Power is.
Parul SomaniI would say that power is self-created. Yes, I would say it's self-created because I think power can look different for each person. And I think it requires looking within ourselves to understand what energizes us and what our source of um kind of our what are where our force comes from. And to be able to identify that and then to be able to actually act upon it or serve it are all choices that we have to make for ourselves. And so that self-creation, that notion that it's it's my responsibility, my choice, no one's going to do it for me, uh, is what I think about when it comes to power.
Shirlayne QuayleI love I I can completely see that. And, you know, it goes step in line with intention and action. It's like we have this opportunity to self-create whatever power looks like for us through intention and action. Oh my goodness. We are going to have to just continue this conversation in the future because there's so much more I want to learn from you. And I sure hope that we get the chance to meet sometime in person. You are really an amazing human. And I appreciate you taking the time and spending some time with us and um for sharing your wisdom and your story. It's been, it's just been a lovely hour. Thank you so much.
Parul SomaniWell, thank you. Thank you for creating this platform for women to share their stories as well.
Shirlayne QuayleThank you. It's important. We gotta, you know, when you talk about what does the world need, this is one of the things I believe the world needs, and this is one of the ways that we can can help get it out there. So thanks for being a part of it. You're part of the Power Lane family. Thank you today. Thank you. Have a lovely day. You too. Well, that wraps this episode of the Power Lane Podcast. Thank you for joining us. Find us at Powerlanepodcast.com and on your favorite podcast platforms, and follow us on socials at Powerlane Podcast. Tune in each week to gain more insight, wisdom, and tools for your Power Lane journey.
